So here's a bit...

Divorce is painstakingly awful...(as I'm sure some of you know...) and I'm finding it quite difficult to ajust to all that is, and there is no good reason to go outside anymore; Plus, it is getting cold.

Pink Floyd is like Lays potato chips. You can't have just one...I've NEVER just listened to ONE Pink Floyd song at a time...I don't think it's possible.

Dr. Who...YAY!!! (What else is there to say on that subject.)

Can't wait for the SCREAM 2009 awards to come on tonight. The year before last I missed them as I was sharing a rather inappropriate kiss with someone I most likely should not have been kissing in a rather dank and dirty laundry room (Regrets...NONE. She was an amazing kisser.) and last year, I simply did not have cable. Things like this excite me.

There are some very pretty things and people on this planet...however, they are just nice to look at, and good for subjects.

I discovered an amazing talent for song writing in my bandmate recently. I am all aflitter. (it's a word...yep.)

I need a new camera.

I have been writing very much lately.

stolen from a fellow CAP

A
- Available: sigh...yep.
- Age: 22
- Annoyance: ignorant folks and liars
- Allergic: nothing I know of...
- Animal: I like cats
- Actor: Kat Dennings makes my heart swell.
B
- Beer: used to ease the pain
- Birthday: December 22nd 1986
- Best Friend: that bottles been empty for awhile
- Body Part on opposite/same sex: stomachs and thighs
- Blind or Deaf: love makes you blind
- Best weather: fall
- Been in Love: hurts
- Been bitched about?: well, I do have a quota to meet apparently
- Been on stage?: yes...better parts of my life
- Believe in yourself?: when the moment calls
- Believe in life on other planets: ofcourse. to think we're it is just damn ignorant.
- Believe in miracles: the microwave is a miracle. yes...yes I do.
- Believe in Magic: it's all around us.
- Believe in God: yes
- Believe in Satan: yes
- Believe in Santa: yes
- Believe in Ghosts/spirits: yes
- Believe in Evolution: yes

C
- Car: eventually
- Candy: try not to, but I do indulge my cravings on occassion
- Cake or pie: pie

D
- Day or Night: night
- Dream vehicle: mazda or old school mustang
- Danced: only when no ones looking
- Dance in the rain?: in my heart
- Dance in the middle of the street?: in my head

E
- Eggs: really runny
- Eyes: dark and sad
- Everyone has: choices
- Ever failed a class?: yep

F
- First crush: Micaela Smith. 2nd Grade.
- Full name: Deondre Lemar Holmes
- First thoughts waking up: what time is it?
- Food: doesn't seem necessary these days

G
- Greatest Fear: failure
- Gum: I get too imaptient with it.
- Get along with your parents?: I try

H
- Hair color: growing
- Height: 5'5
- Happy: was
- Holidays: remind you of failure and loneliness
- How do you want to die: quickly and as soon as possible
- Hate: Myself.

I
Idiot: honestly, don't think I've ever used that word.

J
- Jewelry: ...
- Job: ...

K
- Kids: ...
- Kickboxing or karate: kickboxing
- Keep a journal?: yeah

L
- Longest Car Ride: 19 hours
- Love: music
- Letter: write em. never send em.
- Laughed so hard you cried: can't remember
- Love at first sight: show me a lil attention, it happens

M
- Milk flavor: banana
- Movie: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
- Mooned anyone?: yes, and was afterwards bitten, and then there was sex.
- Marriage: ...
- Motion sickness?: sometimes
- McD's or BK: depends on my mood

N
- Number of siblings: 13 1/2...still counting. Yay dad...
- Number of piercings: 2
- Number: 8

O
- Overused phrases: lol
- One wish: to be nothing and nowhere
- One phobia: ...nothing comes to mind.

P
- Place you'd like to live: Bristol maybe...a book on heroin addiction romanticized it inh my youth
- Pepsi/Coke: coke
Q
- Quail: heh heh...I miss Doug.
- Questionnaires: depends on the questions.

R
- Reason to cry: existence
- Reality T.V.: so fucking addictive.
- Radio station: lastfm?
- Roll your tongue in a circle?: not with this big metal ball in my mouth

S
- Song: whatever gets me through.
- Shoe size: 10-11 depending on the shoe.
- Sushi: yum
- Skipped school: yep
- Slept outside: had too. I was in love.
- Seen a dead body?: yep. changes you a lil.
- Smoked?: quit. cold turkey.
- Skinny dipped?: yep. great day that was.
- Shower daily?: it's necessary.
- Sing well?: wouldn't know.
- In the shower?: yes. followed by crying and masturbation, then head and shoulders.
- Swear?: too much. working on that.
- Stuffed animals?: fuck you. they're my friends.
- Single/Group dates: I don't date.
- Strawberries/Blueberries: cherries.
- Scientists need to invent: time machines.

T
- Time for bed: when everything hurts.
- Thunderstorms: make me happy and sad at the same time.
- Touch your tongue to your nose?: never could. don't stop me from trying.

U
- Unpredictable: to some.
- Understanding?: I try, and often fail...but I try.

V
- Vegetable you hate: peas
Vegetable you love: spinach
- Vacation spot: phillipines
W
- Weakness: I am my weakness
- Which one of your friends acts the most like you: no one
- Worst weather: Summer heat or Winter's cold rain
- Walk with a book on your head?: tried it the book always fell

X
- X-Rays: turn me on

Y
-Year it is now: 2009
-Yellow: interesting color

Z
- Zoo animal: red pandas. they look like they're plottong.
- Zodiac sign: Capricorn

[link]

mostly cause I'm bored, and online all the f*cking time. my heart hurts alot. My puppy died yesterday. I was gonna bury her at dusk, but I dug up the cable line when I was digging which almost ended really badly. My roomate suggested we stop, and wait to call the city first. (If I had listened to others, Bella's corpse would be in the dupster at some apartments right now, but there's no way in hell I will have her body disgraced in such a way.)

this month blows.
Does anyone know of any place dark and stormy I could move too?

sunlight has become depressing.

Cause I'm bored and it seems fun. Stole this from

1. Where is your cell phone?
never more than a foot away

2. Boyfriend/girlfriend?
no

3. Your hair?
growing

5. Your mother?
OK

6. Your favorite thing?
music

7. Your dream last night?
I'm awake at night, my morning dreams are disarming

8. Your favorite drink?
juice

9. Your dream car/vehicle?
50's Mustang convertible

10. The room you're in?
crowded

11. You are?
unenthused

12. What do you wαnt to be in 10 yeαrs ?
free

13. Who did you hang out with last night?
a friend

14. What you're not?
happy

15. Muffin?
yes, with french vanilla ice cream please?

16. An item you wanted for Christmas?
just alot of hugs

17. Where is the love?
the bottom of a bottle? in a lap dance? under me, on the mattress in a dirty hotel room, in a raunchy party of town? I don't even know anymore...maybe in a newborns eyes...

18. The last thing you did?
brood

19. What are you wearing?
TRIPP and a Sonic blue shirt

20. Your TV?
never used

21. Your pets?
dying

22. Your computer?
by bestest friend

23. Your life?
mediocre at best

24. Your mood?
disenchanted

25. Missing?
sex, love, toast with light butter and jam

26. What are you thinking about right now?
the taste of white wine

27. Your car?
in the future

28. Your work?
non-existent

29. Your summer?
wasted

30. Your Relationship Status
-shrugs-

31. Your favorite color?
grey

32. When is the last time you laughed?
earlier while watching an old episode of Buffy

33. Last time you cried?
bought an hour ago

34. Friends?
all I've got

35. Miss someone right now?
yes...

36. Ever been in Hawaii?
don't remember

40. Last thing you ate?
brownie sundae

41. Last person you talked to?
some twenty something named Hannah about the "rules of engagement" in non exclusives

42. Last non-family member you talked to?
see 41.

43. Last person you saw?
my roomie

44. Last non-family member you saw?
roomie

45. Your best friend?
bottled water at the moment. I am thirsty

46. Your favorite food?
noodles

47. Your favorite movie?
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

48. Do you have a crush on someone right now?
I don't do crushes...

49. Did this take too long?
not long enough...

sigh...anywho, played some bass tonight. Was relaxing. I have another awkward day to stumble through ahead of me I believe, so awkwardly...people are nuking futz, you know? Sick of random pop ups. past should be past, and forwards should be ahead of us. I'm learning to live it one day at a time, and only look an hour ahead..maybe.

mayhaps this is goodnight.

...goodnight.

but I think as long as I am asleep by 5 a.m. I can pull this off...
Recenties include:

-PAYDAY is today...meaning mayhaps a new camera, an all day at the movies for me tomorrow, the reactivation of my Blockbuster, or Hollywood Video account, the paying of a loan, and eventually the reactivation of a bank accout, as well as the eventual paying off of the "PHONE BILL FROM HELL" simply to reaquaint myself with "THE SMARTPHONE OF GLORY" which contains all of my Silent Hill ringtones I so desperately miss being serenaded by...(However, I don't talk to nearly as many people now, and will talk to even less once it's activated...meh...)

-according to my media player, I have been listening to alot of ACDC...however, I've REALLY been listening to alot of Kill Hanna, Coheed and Cambria, t.A.T.u., (and ofcourse...) the Smashing Pumpkins, and Kylie Minogue. It has been soothing me.

-I haven't been practicing as much as I'd like, nor had any meetings with the other bandmate, but recently a Houston band came into the store, (I was able to get one to by the first installment of the Marver Civil War, which I believe he will undoubtfully enjoy) and said, "Keep at it." Which was actually super inspiring...that and my midnight run listening to Dir en Grey and D'espairs Rays.

-I have been running.

- has her comic "THE GOD MACHINE" coming out soon, and I do believe that if you have not been privy to her phenominal artwork that you give her a look. I'm very excited for her, and also inspired to finally get on the ball with LORE.

- has had some very yummy pieces recently. Would be delightful if I could find someone local like this to work with.

-Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist is still like the most delightful movie ever.

-I have begun playing World of Warcraft again.

-I am growing out my hair

-I am still awkward.

enough for recentcies, and onto my general well being...I could be worse.

Enjoying the new responsibilities that come with my work promotion. Am attempting to catch up on reading, my workings with the craft, drawing, writing, etc...sad attempts at a social life. le sigh.

But on a good note, I am becoming ever more okay with the fact that I am abnormal, and extremely unadjusted to society.