"Queer"

Hey boy, take a look at me
Let me dirty up your mind
I'll strip away your hard veneer
And see what I can find

The queerest of the queer
The strangest of the strange
The coldest of the cool
The lamest of the lame
The numbest of the dumb
I hate to see you here
You choke behind a smile
A fake behind the fear
The queerest of the queer

This is what he pays me for
I'll show you how it's done
You learn to love the pain you feel
Like father like son

The queerest of the queer
Hide inside your head
The blindest of the blind
The deadest of the dead
You're hungry cause you starve
While holding back the tears
Choking on your smile
A fake behind the fear
The queerest of the queer

I know what's good for you (You can touch me if you want)
I know you're dying to (You can touch me if you want)
I know what's good for you (You can touch me if you want)
But you can't stop

The queerest of the queer
The strangest of the strange
The coldest of the cool
The lamest of the lame
The numbest of the dumb
I hate to see you here
You choke behind a smile
A fake behind the fear
The queerest of the queer
The strangest of the strange
The coldest of the cool
You're nothing special here
A fake behind the fear
The queerest of the queer

I know what's good for you
I know you're dying to
I know what's good for you
I bet you're dying to
You can touch me if you want
You can touch me if you want
You can touch me
You can touch me
But you can't stop.

I can't help but reflect...
The words a friend said to me ring in my ears.
I was told that I should write now, as I churn out my best writing when I am most miserable.

In the past few months, I have...

seperated from the United States Military
Failed at my first attempt at marriage
been convicted of my first felony charge
lost a loved one
been tangled in a romantic-cube
Had my life threatened
had several unplanned stands with strangers
donated blood
rented my first home
assembled my first door
seen a ghost
had a precognitive vision
gotten in touch with an old friend
been called the devil
been spit at by someone who thought I was the devil
made an infant cry with my smile
failed at adoptive fatherhood
gained a nervous twitch
and fucked and lost a number of friends in conjuction with those actions, and for the most part, in that order...

I daydream about when I was younger. Things I should have done, said...people. I come back here, and think of what I must do. I feel like for the most part, I've been sleeping the better part of a year, and I have trouble trying to really figure what it is that I want these days. I have the emotional maturity of a very young teenager, and am surprised by my emotions when they arise. I sleep and become more tired, and rest is a foreign word to me. I have learned though...that I prefer comfort to happiness. It is a a bouncy way to live...and time and the air, though sometimes seconds long, can leave me feeling just as desolate as I do on the ground. I am okay with this. I plan to get a kitten when I move into my place.

As Cathy says, I will write. I will write, and read, and fill my thoughts with quotes and dialogue from movies to fuel the dreams that will become poems, songs, and tales.

I don't drink as much anymore...

I hope there is good in that...