here's the skinny...
I was engaged...I wanted to marry someone...a long time ago, but that person left me. (in the most heinous!) namely, sexual attraction to another person...they came back, when my life was screwed, yet...figured...and everything went "yayhee" after that! In the mist of things, they asked for their ring back, and later, I proposed...my first proposal...which can't happen. Because they're not that. Long/short...I can't spend the rest of my life with someone who is capable of breaking every promise and commitment they've made to a person as well as themselves, and losing their very souls over an instantaneous curiosity brought about by one's fears and hurt! I was once told i was amazing...great...if that's true...and I was owned...why wait for someone willing to settle! If you have a flying unicorn, why do you need a baby dragon? you can't touch everything that's beautiful...HELL, most people never see much beauty...can't open their eyes and all...but, for those of you wondering about the inside of my closet...NOW!

I'm hoping to invest in a new camera! in another month and a half, it will be affordable, as well as a comp so that i may finally begin to edit my photos. I am happy...and sad...but mostly, EXCITED, and I don't know why! I hate the way the military treats the people here. I feel like Edward Elric! "A dog of the military!" It pains me everyday, and my resiliance, and my opinions just seem to put me in everyone elses way..!

As far as my art...and my life! I'm making sort of vow...to try as hard to never break another heart again. This means "feeling" again...so I'm once again writing poetry through tears and ciggerette smoke, and taking photos with a wonderous child-like abandon! The yiffy sexy thoughts in my head, are also beautific and gorgeous in a way that I can't describe outside of touch! I miss my friends! I want to be close to them! (LR, macky, dorknight, mattondorf...) I wish the stars weren't so lonely in these skies...and if I could, I would join them!

I don't know rather to get my MFA in Poetics, or Photography...but I know I want it! Maybe both! I would like to go back to Chicago, and perhaps I will! But then again, as I'm begginning to learn, a change of place does a heart and mind some good! I miss my "sister" terribly! I hope she's staying away from walnuts! She's allergic...

I shouldn't be eating ice cream...

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...but...

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...ice cream is SO FUCKING GOOD!!!